sonnet of the broken man ...

i thought i was the only one who is running thin on my sanity but i was wrong. hahaha. i have been pretty depressed for the past week or so. really depressed; i should affirm. i realized that i have buried so much hatred and resentment within myself that i think it kinda overloads on me. i was angry with myself and i literally went mad to a point where i even yelled at myself. sounds dramatic and i kid you not. hahahahha. the problem spurs not from my mere pathetic job environment - i tried to make peace with this shit already. the most frustrating phase, however, is being able to come to terms with it myself because i really dont want to care about the least bit of it. nevertheless as many times as i tried to forget about my troubled heart, i cannot stop feeling sorry for myself being kicked/tossed around by my boss many many more times. this is wrong man! he is wrong! everytime i stood my ground, i always come out as the "stupid" one with all the crap. the only consolation i get is that this shit happens to everyone in my office space. hahahaha. we are all in the boat more or less. coming to work feels like entering the Seaworld. you get a potential winning ticket at the entrance and you waited for them to call your number as the door prize winner. the difference, alas, lies in the rewards. instead of the usual surprise, you get a complete package of shitload and a full workday to spend in hell. the fun still, however, lies in not knowing whether you are the *lucky winner* of the day. believe me, there's plenty to go around for everybody. hahahaha. sounds ironic and i kid you not. again! LOL. these so-called "boss" people seriously have issues man. and i realized that no matter how wrong they are, they can always twist things around and make you the real fool. what's worse is they never acknowledge the fact that they are inside the guilty zone most of the time. so what i'm saying is even if they do admit, they will try - and they can very easily - to get you back by any means! no kidding. sighs. i guess the message here is clear then: be grateful if you have a super good boss! and please reflect/correct yourself if you are this kind of boss!

tat was yesterday. today - believe it or not - i've gotten worse. the end of september is nearing and this means it's time to spend the money. not shopping, but more like paying rents, bills, and whatnot. sighs. u know what? things would have been better and i would be smiling right now if only my cheques were cleared by the bank. notice the pluralization applied there. i'm totally losing myself. i feel like killing whatever 'good' that remains in me and waltz into that room to confront this son of a gun. i did that. and as far as i can remember, it didnt go well. i feel really sorry for myself. sorry that things didnt work out for me. sorry that my life is a mess. sorry that i am fool. a fool who believes that good things happen to 'good' people. how naive. yet whatever happens, i will still believe i am a good person. simply because i have a good reason.

liebe ...

for all i know, i've got everything to lose ...
so let this go, let me go
-- hanging on for hope

magical metamorphosis ...

kang, aya durex?

In my language, the word 'Jomblo' describes a male/female who is single (not-in-a-relationship). The movie to which i am about to intro you fine lads basically revolves around this genre. Titled "Jomblo", this movie tells about the story of a quartet of teenage boys and their pursuit of winning the up-hill battle against the fierce reality of love. Yes, love again it is. I personally like the main character whose name is Agus. He's helplessly funny aka kocak with his sweet Sunda-nese accent and on top of that, he's loyal to his friends as well. Perhaps the fact that I can relate very easily to the truth spoken through this movie makes it an enjoyable flick to watch. Now, i dun wanna spill all the good stuff here and instead, i recommend y'all indon peeps out there to check it out. It's a must-see! Definitely worth every millisecond of your time GUARANTEED! Hahahhahaa. Alrite, let me make things even merrier for those residing abroad aka not-in-indon like myself. You can use streaming to see this movie at YouTube.com and how sweet is this? It's damn friggin' sweeeeeet. Hahahahhaha. Shenks a bunch to whoever put this shit up there. Awesome job man! Hihihi. The full movie is divided into a total of 13 short clips, each running for about 10 minutes of film. With a high-speed internet connection, you should be okay. Bho, dun even think about this! Just get the VCD/DVD i suggest! LOL. Let me get things started over here by installing the last clip right here right now as a teaser. There lies a very good message within this clip, so keep your eyes wide and your ears even wider. Hahahaha. And now, it's time to do yourself a favour mate. Get those popcorns popping and smear that butter good! It's Jomblo time! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Me out now. Cheers.

P.S. A couple of things to mention:
1. Having problems looking for the movie? Simply click here.

2. Once you've seen the movie, please let me know your thoughts eh. Hihihihi.

3. Please help me find the song 'Dewi Malamku'! Asik abizzz euyyy.

the beautiful let down ...

"Name gue Imam" he said when i first met him. At that time, i was still a guitar newbie. I can still remember the both of us sitting in one of the classroom in high school, listening to him strumming his guitar. He had a good one btw. Hihihi. Sure enough, it didn't take long for him to set up a band. I was excited as I was part of it alright. Hehehehe. I must say this was one of the greatest gifts of my life thus far. Mbut: vox/guitar; Uban: lead guitar; Pat2: our little drummer boy *he grew a'ite. LOL*; Kupeng: bass guitar; Me: guitar. I think we called ourselves a few names - Supernova, Coverspace (to name a few). I can safely say that loads of credits must be given to Mbut. He was the major vein of our musical body. There were times when we turned frustrated during practice, and he would be totally pissed off. Not so much of a leader eh? Hahahaha. But looking back, he really needed a break. Nonetheless, he did build our little empire back in Utama. All the gigs, all the parties, all the frustration, all the practice, all the memories.

It's over now. It's been over for a few years. Uban was a senior and so he had to go first. The rest of us, except for Pat2, were in the same year and shared the same classroom. During college, we still played together although we did go our separate ways - Mbut/Uban: Sunway, Kupeng: Inti Nilai, Me: Taylor's Subang, Pat2: Remains in high school. We had a couple of gigs here and there, but it all must come to an end when I had to leave for Canada. The rest stayed behind.

I've been waiting eagerly for so long to write this post, which I would like to share with the rest of the gang here. Hihihi. The following is a list of short highlights of our band during the time when it still existed. It was all sweet sweet sweet melodies that we played, and so were the memories.

1. We played our first gig *at least a successful one* during one of the BBQ dinner gatherings organized by the boarding house of Utama. I think it was by the poolside if I am right. We played "Dan" and "Creep" in acoustics. And since then, our "career" took off. Yeah!

2. There was this one incident when i almost had a panic attack. Actually, i did. We were already standing in front of the crowd. This was, by the way, held at one of those annual school events. We were in one of those big theater halls and all eyes were on us. Thanks to the spotlight. I picked up my guitar and had it strapped around my body. Everybody else was busy with their own instruments. I strummed my guitar and guess what? It was out of tune. Apparently the previous band before us pulled some cheap dirty tricks on us. I had no idea how to tune a guitar back then *i still struggle these days, believe me* and time was running out. Nevertheless, we managed to contain the situation alright. I couldn't remember exactly what happened but my best recollection is that there was another guitar around and I picked that one up. Pheeeewwwwww. Hahahaha. Back on track. We played "Big Me" and "Live Forever" @ the gig.

3. One of the best gigs i had was the one when we played "Pelukis Malam" unplugged. We were a three-piece set - Mbut: vox/guitar, Kupeng: bass, Me: guitar. I wish i had that gig on video. Dammit! Sighs. It was just that good to me. The crowd was into it especially when Kupeng pulled off this clapping stunt, asking them to clap along. Oh my God!!! He really did it man. Hahahaha. Everybody was definitely enjoying that sweet song.

4. The next three will personally involve Mbut himself. We played "J.A.P (Jadikanlah Aku Pacarmu)" by SO7 at one of the gigs at school. At that time, he was chasing after his love interest, bubble. P.S. I hope u don't me spilling the A-to-Z here girl! ^^

5. Now this one was romantic. Pat2, Andrew, and me were in the school studio messing around with the instruments. Trust me, we didn't plan this shit! And that's the beauty. We saw her walking up to him from the window and he suddenly pulled out this banquet of flowers out of this tree beside him. Ehem ehem ehem. Something's going on here. And so we decided to play "Kita" from within to spur the romance in the air. Hahahhahahaa.

6. The last romantic act involving the band was the one at Uban's graduation ceremony. I seriously hope this was the right event. "Yellow" was the song and yellow was the flower. It was yellow right? Blur recollections. She walked up to him and she handed him the flower. Wooohoooooo. When I saw that, I was like "What the hell? Did we have this during practice? I don't think so". Hahahaha. But it was cool yo. Btw the gig was a great success too.

7. Speaking of success, we had to taste some bad ones too. Among them, it's the one at our high school graduation ceremony. We didn't even finish our gig that night. The principal had to stop us in front of all the audience. What a prick! It was a total embarassment. Mbut lost his temper and walked off the stage. It was a bad night for the band.

8. Last but not least, our only achievement of the era was winning the battle of the bands at Inti Nilai. It wasn't the best we had, I personally think, but we still won. Hahahahha. In fact, we had some problems during the gig. Right after the performance, Kebho, who at that time was among the audience, told us that the drums were silent the whole time. The mic on the drums were apparently dead. Disastrous, we thought. And awestruck, we were when the host announced the winner. It was bloody f***ing us! Hahahahhaa. We jolted in joy as Mbut went on stage to receive the trophy. I have no idea where'd it end up now. Crap! We spent the night in one of those motels and I left the pack early morning even before they could open their eyes. It certainly felt good. Hihihi.

Well, there you go peeps. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I do. My band will always be a treasure of my life. I still wish at times that I am still in one right here right now. But circumstances change and I couldn't follow my dreams for some reasons. Maybe I'll do a solo later. Hahahahhahahhaa. Anyways this post is solely dedicated to the ex-cons of Coverspace. Thanks for all the memories guys! In addition, I would like to celebrate the debut album of Lightcraft, The Modern Seasons! Congratz Mbut, Pat2, and crew! Cheers to the many many many beautiful beginnings yet to come. Keep the passion alive y'all! Btw, this song was where it all began so let's hear it one more time. Hev a great one man!

Me out now. Cheers

trails of lumbini garden ...

Grant yourself a moment of peace,
and you will understand
how foolishly you have scurried about.
Learn to be silent,
and you will notice that
you have talked too much.
Be kind,
and you will realize that
your judgment of others was too severe.

-- Ancient Chinese Proverb (quoted from Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?)