sonnet of the broken man ...

i thought i was the only one who is running thin on my sanity but i was wrong. hahaha. i have been pretty depressed for the past week or so. really depressed; i should affirm. i realized that i have buried so much hatred and resentment within myself that i think it kinda overloads on me. i was angry with myself and i literally went mad to a point where i even yelled at myself. sounds dramatic and i kid you not. hahahahha. the problem spurs not from my mere pathetic job environment - i tried to make peace with this shit already. the most frustrating phase, however, is being able to come to terms with it myself because i really dont want to care about the least bit of it. nevertheless as many times as i tried to forget about my troubled heart, i cannot stop feeling sorry for myself being kicked/tossed around by my boss many many more times. this is wrong man! he is wrong! everytime i stood my ground, i always come out as the "stupid" one with all the crap. the only consolation i get is that this shit happens to everyone in my office space. hahahaha. we are all in the boat more or less. coming to work feels like entering the Seaworld. you get a potential winning ticket at the entrance and you waited for them to call your number as the door prize winner. the difference, alas, lies in the rewards. instead of the usual surprise, you get a complete package of shitload and a full workday to spend in hell. the fun still, however, lies in not knowing whether you are the *lucky winner* of the day. believe me, there's plenty to go around for everybody. hahahaha. sounds ironic and i kid you not. again! LOL. these so-called "boss" people seriously have issues man. and i realized that no matter how wrong they are, they can always twist things around and make you the real fool. what's worse is they never acknowledge the fact that they are inside the guilty zone most of the time. so what i'm saying is even if they do admit, they will try - and they can very easily - to get you back by any means! no kidding. sighs. i guess the message here is clear then: be grateful if you have a super good boss! and please reflect/correct yourself if you are this kind of boss!

tat was yesterday. today - believe it or not - i've gotten worse. the end of september is nearing and this means it's time to spend the money. not shopping, but more like paying rents, bills, and whatnot. sighs. u know what? things would have been better and i would be smiling right now if only my cheques were cleared by the bank. notice the pluralization applied there. i'm totally losing myself. i feel like killing whatever 'good' that remains in me and waltz into that room to confront this son of a gun. i did that. and as far as i can remember, it didnt go well. i feel really sorry for myself. sorry that things didnt work out for me. sorry that my life is a mess. sorry that i am fool. a fool who believes that good things happen to 'good' people. how naive. yet whatever happens, i will still believe i am a good person. simply because i have a good reason.